Well I am on the 12 day of a 21 day fast. Now when you read fast you are thinking that I have decided to not eat anything. In all actuality it is a fast of a more spiritual kind. In my last post I mentioned that I have completed my Reiki master/teacher level. Normally after your attunements you kind of go through a 21 to 30 days of a cleanse. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My first two attunements dealt a lot with my physical being and emotional issues that I held onto. This time it is definitely more on the deeper levels of spirit and soul. I have realized that my communication with others has been better. I have become clearer in what I want. I have also walked through situations that normally I would have compromised or cave in. I have stood on my own and realized that my voice and who I am matter. That it is not ok to just let things go that are important to me for someone else’s comfort or wants. My intuition is clearer and I can sense or tell when things or not as they seem. My desire for truth has override my desired to be liked or not cause confrontations. It is pretty amazing thing to realize that sometimes in the middle of a familiar situation I can call upon God/Goddess and do the things that need to be done. I have been true to myself and taken others into consideration. Decisions are not always easy, but I am thankful that I am listening to myself.
My son’s situation has not changed. He has tried on more than one occasion to suck me back into doing things for him that he can do himself. Last night was no exception. He was trying to get me to help him talk to his step mom. The questions she was texting were not hard and for most 19 year olds his age, but it seemed that he just wanted someone to tell him what he should think. I know he is having a hard time right now, but most of us do when our world has been turned upside down. For most of us we learn to pick ourselves up and move on. Make the best of it. I could not bring myself to do it for him. I finally had to get off the phone. But I realized at the time was that I was angry, angry at the fact that I felt I “should do” something for him. Through a little coaching from a friend I realize that I needed to listen to my heart and what my heart wanted was not what he wanted or even what others would say do. Once I said I wanted to do nothing to help him. A peace came over me and that is when I figured out that in order to have peace I had to listen to heart and not worry about what others wanted from me. I wasn’t a bad mother or person. I have been doing for my son for so long that he is stuck in a pattern that he needs to break. I have already made the decision to not do for him, and to go back on that decision was causing turmoil inside me. I have prayed for my son and given him advise. IN all actuality it is his life he needs to do the work.
How special a gift is to a child when they are able to make the decision for themself. I believe that throughout their life they need us to help them learn how to make decisions. They also need to learn how to live with the consequences of their actions. For my son I was not willing to do that for a long time. I learned that a lot of it was from my feelings of guilt. Now he is going through what he should have gone through a couple of years ago when it came to consequences of his actions or inactions. It is a valuable lesson we all need to make even though it is a hard one for all involved. I believe that my attunement has helped me achieved the understanding I needed to do what is right for my son. My spiritual walk with God/Goddess has been a blessing and a source of strength
