So the truth is hubby is staying, I guess his mom’s advice helped with that. Unfortunately this does not make me feel any better. YOu would think that I would be relieved to know this, but I cannot seem to shake the feeling that this is only temporary. In all honesty I haven’t gotten over Tuesday nights conversation. I am scared that after all is said and done…the counselling and therapy that it is the end. Now I know if I told him this he would say that I have given up, and maybe I have. I have not said what is on my mind at all this week. Anytime we talk and the kids come up or I have an opinion opposite of his I keep my mouth shut. The pain is festering and I have no will desire to stop it. I so don’t want to let my guard down. I have been burned so many times in our relationship that I just don’t want to give in…not just yet. I don’t want to say that I forgive you again for the pain you have caused me. We have plans to go on a date this Sunday, just him and me time. I so want something great to happen between us. Just so I can get past this pain. Have something happen to remind of the me of the reason that I cannot live without him and that he is my soul-mate.
I understand that if I really want this relationship to remain I should start thinking positively. Ask my Angels for help or write out what I want to see happen. What is really bad is that I keep hearing something that a lady had said to me over a year ago. That I was not the one to help my husband to get better….now I know that can mean many things. But my head keeps getting stuck on “I am not the one to be with him to make him happy” Isn’t that crazy? Maybe in all actuality I want this to be it…the final curtain call if you will. But the stubborn side of me says no. I so cannot wait to see the therapist next week. I just need to feel that I am not crazy for wanting to stay. So I guess the questions that I need to answer for myself is…What exactly do I want? Do I want to make this work or am I done? Is love enough? Will it be worth it to stay while he gets better?
